Autobiography Of A Married Man

Autobiography Of A Married Man

 

On our 16^th wedding anniversary, I dedicate this blog – an anniversary present -- to my wife Rita.

Sixteen years ago on this day, my life changed forever, and every passing year has seen our lives change forever. Sometime in 1995 I lost my heart to a wonderful girl, but on January 22, 1996, I lost a significant part of me, and in the process I have only become better and better as a person. 

The biggest context changing event in my life – my marriage – has led to many context changing events in our lives, the reason being, from a nice, normal guy next door at the time of our marriage I have got transformed into somebody who exhibits consistent crazy behaviours. Every passing year, my life has got more and more exciting, whereas my wife’s life has got more and more tumultuous. End of 1998 saw the arrival of our daughter Diksha, who too over the years has been mirroring my personality, which means it is double trouble for Rita, who has to not only manage our crazy behaviours, but also ensure she doesn’t go off balance.

Over the last 16 years, she has not just stood by me, but also developed herself into my most ardent critic. My male-cum-husband ego has often resisted attempts at receiving forthright feedback, but like every assertive and well meaning wife, she has ensured somewhere her words of improvement rankle in my mind and heart, more often than not leading to me making certain critical changes in my behavior. But when you meet her, you will wonder whether she is capable of being assertive, but trust me, all married women, irrespective of their pre-marriage personality, have an inherent capacity to become assertive with their husband at least after marriage! I suppose, men being men, have this nasty way of provoking their spouse to assert herself as a critical emotional and intellectual self defense mechanism.

One of the greatest lessons in the last 16 years has been just how critical it is to have an understanding life partner, who very often also has to pretend to understand, not because of her timidity, but because of how women are at their core – patient, always willing to question their own opinion, and quite adept at giving their husband multiple chances. The importance of having an understanding wife cannot be underestimated, as over the years I have seen many marriages struggle to keep the harmony alive, leading to a life where the struggle for keeping the relationship going consumes one’s energies. Even if a couple let go off each other and try to move on, the scars are too deep to heal in a lifetime. 

Since our marriage, I have changed five jobs (including a career switch and two attempts at entrepreneurship) and as a result forced my wife to live in three different cities -- Kolkata, Bengaluru and Kochi, with Delhi almost featuring in the list. This is too much to handle for a person who is very Mumbai-prone and likes to stay within her comfort zone. In the thirteen years of her life, my daughter is attending her fourth school and that too in a third city. Though she is much like me, she has threatened me with dire consequences if I dare pull her out of this school till she finishes her Std X.

Trust me, my wife would have not complained if I had just stuck to one company and one career, and would not have minded if I had stayed just the way I was when we got married. But she had not budgeted for what she was going to get into and definitely not for the paradigm shift my personality underwent over the years. Of course, as a result, she too has changed for the better, however, I had not told her what I was up to – but the truth is even I did not know what life had in store for us.


My wife does not write a blog, and so I do not know how she would describe this journey in words, but one thing is for sure, it has not been easy for her. She has also been very good at not always expressing the pain of my decisions and the change I have imposed upon her, thereby providing me with the space to move on relentlessly. As we enter the 17th year of our partnership, this is one consistent support I seek from her, for as things stand now, life promises to be more exciting and tumultuous than ever before.

Apart from managing our home, us and our lives, what my wife has done most brilliantly is accepted both her husband and daughter as they are – crazy, unpredictable and temperamental at times. While admittedly, we are difficult to handle, I suspect she also likes the energy we provide to her and others. 

Accepting me as I was one quality I desperately sought in my wife, and I am immensely lucky that I got one such person to marry me. I am extremely grateful to God and her for that. While I continuously change and experiment, she has just been much of what she was before marriage, watching me at times with awe, at times with concern and at times aghast. In a partnership context, change from all sides is not welcome, as that can upset the applecart of that relationship, and in that sense, Rita has been like an unshakable anchor, yet she has never failed to enrich herself and us. 

Women are known to make sacrifices – often their own happiness. My wife too has made some serious sacrifices so that I can fulfill my dreams. I can never give back the things she sacrificed, but one thing’s for sure, whatever I do is also because I want to ensure that the three of us can constantly enhance the quality of our lives and be useful to the world at every step of life.
I thank her for being in my life. Without her, my life would not have been incomplete, actually, there would have been no story to tell. 

Rita is my wife, and I am proud of that!

Dude, Language Is Not Dead, But Communication Is Alive

Dude, Language Is Not Dead, But Communication Is Alive

Today, language matters to the extent it communicates.

The success of Kolaveri Di is not just because of good music, but also because of its communication philosophy – short, catchy and to the point. A country dominated by its youthful population, this is what sells in the marketplace today. First we had Hinglish and now we have Tamglish.  In a world full of options, choices and information explosion, to get across you need to get them across to your communication style. For this, you need to be consistently and persistently creative and innovative.

Today, language matters to the extent it communicates. The classical understanding of communication is: when the receiver receives the message in the same manner you intended he/she should receive, communication is said to be completed. If the classical lovers of language concerned themselves more with quality of language as a necessary attribute for good communication, today, what matters is the result, it doesn’t matter how you spell words. Short Messaging Service itself lost its identity to SMS, and words like `see you` have shrunk to `c u`, `right` has become `rite`, and `love you` has become `luv u`. `Hello` has made way to `hi`, and words like dude and cool are part of common usage. 

The connoisseurs of language are probably aghast at what’s going around masquerading as communication. But this trend is here to stay – there are no two ways about it. Communicating in two languages or more in one communication is also an in thing. For example, sentences like, `when are you calling me – kal ya parsoo`, is commonplace. Short form of communication (Shofo), like talking in acronyms and referring to film titles by only mentioning their alphabets are also a trend. In a multicultural and multi language society like ours, where, now, not agriculture, but technology is a greater binding force, reinvention of day-to-day communication was perhaps kind of just waiting to happen.

Communication patterns in society reflect the society itself. Pre-liberalisation, we lived in a slow paced world and waited for things to happen. But now, you cannot be passive and hope that you’ll be unaffected by your surroundings and changing behavioural and communication patterns in society. The world keeps moving all the time. The youth are defining, deciding and deciphering the pace of life, and there is no getting away from this reality – their sheer numbers are overpowering.

The increasing trend of parent-children conflict is a result of old versus new patterns of communication. In pre-1991 years, children had to be `told`, had to be `made to understand` and had to be `tracked`, a reflection of the times limited by choices, but with an abundance of time. But today, there is an abundance of choices, and therefore limitation of time. Today’s generation don’t mind being told, as long as they are not lectured. They don’t mind being made to understand as long as they have the freedom to take the final decision, and they don’t mind being tracked as long as they are given a mobile phone.

So, what then is the future of language? While the language purists may fume at the degradation of expression, the fact is there probably was never greater marketable potential of good language. Today, language, especially in the form of writing, be they through blogs or books, has great eye-catching and money making potential, as long it is racy, creative and contemporary. No doubt, quality of language is very important for the intellectual evolution of society, but in a world ruled like never before by technology and innovation, what is called for is racy intellectualism. Yes, in the serious writing space, allowing dilution of spellings or construction of sentences could severely jeopardize ideation of substance, and in that sense, turning a blind eye to such a possibility would only create a much avoidable intellectual slide.

While I am not an advocate of SMS language as a culture, I am empathetic to its presence. But the beauty of language lies in the choice of words, framing of sentences, expression to context, and providing simplicity to complexity. But importantly, words and language give life to thoughts. Just imagine how we would let the world know what we are thinking if there was no basic orientation on our language of expression? Without words and language, would we be able to think even?

So, just get this dude! language can never die. Just as humans go through turbulence, this is the age of turbulence for language, but just like humans, it will emerge more enriched. So, rest assured, language is not dead, but communication is alive.